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The one thing I never had. The one thing i always wanted. Finally, it has came to me. After all the times of wishing,hopein',and searchin'.. God gave me you. I treat me with all the respect and dignity that u have. Even tho i am having a bad day and just a little sad or depressed, u stick by me because you love me. If there is n e thing wrong u always make it right... if i cant smile then u make me. Ur my best friend and my boyfriend... and sooo many other thing i cant even begin to tell u.
A lil backround story for everyone to understand me. I was the biggest loser in Collins Middle... My friends list considered of 2 ppl... and everyone always threated to kill me/ hurt me... just becuase I wasnt very pretty girl. Skool life sucked... then u would think i could just come home and everything was great.. well thats wrong to. My parents never got along till finally oneday they split up for good... and I moved to Va. With my mother and my bro. Eventually my mother moved in with this guy... and We didnt get along at all... I hated him with a passion and he hated me with a passion as well. He tried to act like my father... and I wouldnt let him. I wont let n e one take my familys place no matter what. I am the protector of my family since everyone is just inviting these ppl into our lives. but n e ways.... My mom kicked me out when I was 15 sometime in febuary of '03 and i moved back with my dad In Wv and started School. I walked through all the halls alone after the bell had already rang so i would remember every detail of where i was. Ill my classes were ok.. but i still had one more class left.Band. I remember I was late (as I already told you) and I had a teacher walk to the class and he was like "Do you want me to walk you in?" and I told him no and Walked in. I looked around the room and The first thing i saw was This dirty blonde guy sittin' at the drum set talking to a few other ppl in front of him. I stopped and I kinda whatched him for a few seconds and I snapped out of it and walked into the teachers office here i gave him my schedule and sat me nexted to Anna.I didnt have my instrument so i just sat there and listen the whole time.... and I was always turned aroud in my chair to whatch the guy play the drumset. He always looked so calm and serious while he was playin but he was having so much fun. I loved whatching him. He made me smile. I had like an instant attraction to him. A week later i started talking to a good guy friend, Wills, and we got on the subject of whom I liked. I told him that I had a crush on the guy that played the drum set. and he said he would introduce me to him. I told him no and just to tell me more about him for know just as much as he knew. So about a week later, he finally introduced us. And we talked for a long time ( the rest of the class). Then During class we would always wisper back and forth, but some how I was always the one to get caught-lol-.That continued on anouther week and on March 7,2003 Wills asked me for my email address and of course i gave it to him and thought nothing else of it. Then when I got home, I got online and 2 new contacts added me to their msn list. I added them both of course i knew one was wills and i thought for a second and then it hit me that he gave Tim my email adress. Well, Tim and I talked for hours litterally then he had to go. But he said that he would be back later. I got kinda sad when he had to go, but I was running around my cousins house telling her about him to the point where she told me to go home. So I went to grandmas house and I got Online there and he was ONLINE! I got the biggest smile back one my face as he messaged me and I wrote back. We talked for about 5 min when he asked me if I like him. I paused for a second and I answered back yes. Then anouther messaged came back, "Do you like me enough to date me?" "Yes" and I jumped out of my chair and I ran around the house Telling everyone. I was sooo happy but as i sat back down I was scared agian.Questions started to race through my mind. Was this going to be like all the other relationships i had? Would he cheat on me? But I just blew them off my shoulder, I knew Tim Well enough. He would NEVER hurt me.Everything thing was great and perfect. We got many compliments on how cute we were adn things everyday. Are First date is something Ill never forget. We went to the movies, but of course we had to bring little tag along ppl for moral support( The typical teenage thing ya know?)Well, we sat half way through the movie and we were making fun of wills and my sister b/c we thought that they like each other. but we were whatching the movie some. I wanted him to hold my hand really bad. So, I kinda started to hint around. I was never really the first move kinda girl so I put one of my hands on my leg by itself to where he could see it was lonely. And finally 20 minutes before the movie was over he held my hand. And I was amazed. I had never felt so close to him. And what surprised me the most.....our hand fit PERFECTLY together. Our second date was anouther one of those unforgetable ones to. We went retro bowling which lats till 12am and at 12:03 We had our first kiss and then about 10 secondes later we had our second. It was right be fore we had to leave. I was sooo happy.About Two months into our relation ship it was they last wee of school. I week I hated. The week i will always hate. He stopped saying I love you and he started avoiding me. And I finally asked him what was wrong and He said noothing." Your going to break up with me arent you?" "I dont know yet. Ill tell you at the end of the week." I cried the rest of that week. I didnt eat or sleep. HE didnt really talk to me he didnt hold my hand everything was going down hill agian. This was right from where i started agian. I got online the day he was supposed to tell me what was going on. " So are you going to break up with me?" HE gave me a long speech about how he still cared for me and made me think that he wasnt going to break up with me. " :) SO your not breaking up with me?" " No, I think we would be better off friends for a while." My life ended that day. I threw up b/c I was so hurt. I cried. I gave up on God. On the Bible. Everyone lied. Everything was lies to me n e more. There wasnt such thing as happiness. Just cold darkness. Stone eyes and a heart of ice.I couldn't stand to see anyone happy after that day. I became hateful and spitefull. I tried to make everyones life as bad as mine. I wanted to die. I couldnt stand the thought that my true love was now open to any girl that wanted him. It killed me. Why did the world turn on me? What did i EVER do to deserve this? Days passed on. No calls no nothing. Got back in school and I went to my classes. I did nothing but sleep and cry. They wanted to send me to the counsler but i wasnt gonna go. Finally the dreaded 4th block came around. I walked in and we were gonna be whatching a movie. Tim walled up to me and gave me a hug. I could have just died. I didnt want to hug him. I wanted him to get away from me and as far away as possiable. I wanted him sooooo baldy. And hugging him made me want him more. I couldnt stand it. I wanted him near me but i wanted him away b/c i couldnt take the pain. We sat close to each other during the movie. Of course knowing McCoy he put on Star wars.. Tim was whatching the movie and i layed down and watched him untill i feel asleep beside him. I had anouther weird dream. One of me committing suicide over Tim and all the pain. i woke up and I had to go to the bathroom soo i asked McCoy and left. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror at my swollen face. Swollen from all the tears and no sleep. I started to cry more. I looked teriable. And I just couldnt take it no more. MY nose started to bleed and i used a Tissue to wipe it off.I stayed in the restroom untill it stoped. I washed my face and dried it and went back to class were i layed down nose to the floor hating life agian. Then it came to mind. Pure Diviant thoughts. GET HIM BACK STEPHANIE NICOLE GET HIM BACK. It just kept beating my brains in. How was i supposed to get him back. He doesnt love me. GOD WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. CANT YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!? YOU HAVE HELPED ENOUGH! As I layed with my face in the floor i planned how this might work. After all. I have No emotions. right? Thats when all the fun started.
~~~THE PLAN~~~
Welp this is probably the lowerst thing i can do but I wanted my love back.You know that you would do the same. But i'll just go ahead and tell you. I started to complain to Tim and tell him how i missed him and things. I told him to call me. I knew Timmy well enough to know that he hates when people are sad. So everytime he called we talked for a long time. I would always cry and tell him how depressed I am and how much i missed him and needed him.But I was really telling him the truth about how i felt now. I told him everything. He was my best friend.Eventually I got to him to were he told me that we can still "act" like we were together. I told ya i would get somewhere!The next day i was invited to his house and i stayed there for a few hours. We did the normal cupple thing and I figured he wpuld ask me be out agian. But he said he needed more time, which broke my heart. About two days later he called andwe stayed on the phone for hours. and then he wasnted me to come over his house agian this week end. So i said sure. And then when Friday rolled around i went to his house. Of course we did the normal cupple thing agian and then we started to play pool. Well, we kinda got sidetracked and started to talk with occassional kisses here and there. Wnd i was lookin in his eyes and he said "Steph, will you go back out with me?" "No," i said " I wanna ask you first" so it was time to go and left amd went home. about and hour and a half later he called and we stayed on the phone for a very long time. He keep trying to get me to ask him out but i was soooo affraid i couldnt do it. Eventually at 12:05 a.m I did it. I finally asked hum and it was the HARDEST thing i have ever done in my life, but i felt so relieved. Finally i got my baby back and no one else can have him but me. |
